Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He better not be in your backpack
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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