"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
