Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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