Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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