So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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