Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize