No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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