Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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