Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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