R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
