he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
