We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This is my gift to your gina
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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