if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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