dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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