Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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