Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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