you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
