When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
