She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize