I just saw a hot homeless man
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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