so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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