This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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