But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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