Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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