Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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