His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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