You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
