Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
