I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
