This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
