Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
