I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
