I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
