I bet he comes in French.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
