Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
