So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
