I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
