Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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