There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
