in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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