don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
