I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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