I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize