I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
