saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
