4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
