There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
