I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
