how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Randomize
