I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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