I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
