A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
