We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
