Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
