Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
