So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
