when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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