I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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