1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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