Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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