at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
