this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
