Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
