She's JV to your varsity
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
