Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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