I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
