Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
