Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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