Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
